In from the cold
by lighthouse11
Summary: Picks up about six months after Captain America: The Winter Soldier. The Avengers (and friends) are staying at Stark Towers, when none other than Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier himself, shows up of his own accord, in need of help and a home. A collection of short stories as Bucky settles into his new life in the 21st century.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters or names, etc in this story. All rights, etc belong to the good folks at Marvel.

* * *

"_Sir, there is a rather dishevelled gentleman in the foyer._" Jarvis's voice drifted over the intercom.

Tony didn't bother looking up from his work. He wasn't expecting any guests, or not that he could recall anyway. It was Pepper's job to manage his meetings. And there wasn't much point looking up as you would when another person entered the room since Jarvis wasn't really real. "Did he actually ask for me?" Tony asked.

"_No, sir. He hasn't said anything yet. He's just standing in the foyer._"

"Then how do you know he's here for me."

"_I never said he was, sir. I just said that he is here._"

"So, seriously Jarvis, are we just letting people walk in off the street now?" Tony asked, putting down the spanner.

"_No, sir._" Jarvis replied. "_He forced the door._"

"Oh, come on Jarvis," Tony said, getting exasperated now. Couldn't Jarvis see he was busy? "You can't just 'force the door'. Maybe Thor. Is it Thor in the foyer?"

"_No, sir, it's…_"

"No one can get in or out of the Tower without a pass. This place is more secure than Fort Knox. And if he did force the door, he's a security breach, not just some bloke in the foyer, ergo: why didn't you sound the alarm?"

"_He has a metal arm, sir._" Jarvis replied, as though that would answer of all Tony's questions.

"What?" Tony said, when suddenly it dawned on him. "Oh, shit."

"_Perhaps you would like me to show you the video, sir?_"

"Yeah, that'd be good. And you best tell Captain Rogers to get in here asap."

"_Very good, sir._"

Tony waited for a second before footage appeared on the screen of a man shaking the entrance door at the bottom of the tower, then giving it a huge yank and just ripping the whole thing off. "Oh shit." Tony muttered again. The screen then cut to the live feed of the man standing in the foyer. Tony had to admit he looked rather like a deer caught in headlights, unsure as whether to stay put or run.

"Hey Tony, Jarvis said I should…" Steve stopped mid-sentence, seeing the image on the screen.

"Is that who I think it is?" Tony asked.

"Bucky." Steve breathed and ran from the room.

"Jarvis, we need the elevator, now!" Tony called jumping up and racing after the Captain. "Cap, please don't take the stairs." Tony called, just as Steve reached the fire escape door. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. "It's 38 floors. Trust me, this is quicker." Steve nodded and jumped into the elevator with Tony on his heels. The doors shut and they started their decent. "Jarvis, activate emergency protocol number 2. Shut this place one in, no one out until further notice. You might as well tell them who our latest arrival is." As far as Tony was aware, all of the Avengers, plus a few hangers-on, were in the building, as was common for a Sunday afternoon.

"Wait, no." Steve said. "Don't shut the building down. If he feels trapped, he'll either try to run or attack."

"Ok, Jarvis, emergency protocol 2 for the building, minus the foyer. Leave that as is. 'S ok, Cap?"

"Yeah, sure. Fine." Steve said. "Tony, listen to me. Promise me that you won't try to talk with him. Just leave the talking to me. Don't approach him. Don't let him feel threatened." Steve paused. "Please."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Tony said as they descended the final few floors. Steve seemed ruffled by Bucky's sudden appearance, and that made Tony uneasy. How dangerous was this guy?

"_Ground floor._" Jarvis said, and the doors opened.

Steve and Tony stepped out of the elevator into the foyer. "Hi." Steve said tentatively.

Bucky tensed and turned to face them. They could almost see his mind racing, still trying to decide which of fight, flight or just staying put was the best option. His eyes were wide and his breathing heavy.

"Bucky, it's alright. You're safe here." Steve said, raising his hands showing he meant no harm and stepping slowly towards Bucky. The Winter Soldier just stood and stared.

"Hi. I'm Tony. You broke my door, but that's ok." Tony said, following suite and raising his hands.

"Please." Steve hissed, stopping mid-way between the elevator and Bucky.

"I know." Bucky chocked, staring at Steve.

"Know that this is my house or that you broke my door, or that I'm strangely ok about it?" Tony asked, coming up beside Steve.

Bucky ignored him, his eyes fixed on Steve. Bucky was now so tense that he appeared to be shaking. "I know everything." He said.

"Bucky…?"

"I know everything. Everything that happened. I think. Everything that I did. It all… it's all… I know what they did. I know. I think. I'm… I don't know." Bucky glanced around the foyer as though someone was about to pounce on him at any moment.

"Should we be…?" Tony began.

"Shut up."

"Yep, shutting up."

"Bucky, listen to me. You're safe here. We're going to help you. That's why you came, right?" Steve said.

Bucky glanced around frantically, as though looking for some sort of trap or danger or escape route or something. "I know what I did." He repeated. "I think - I know what I did."

"Bucky, you didn't know what you were doing at the time. But you're alright now. We can help you."

"I shouldn't have come." Bucky said, clenching his fists.

"You did the right thing. You did a good thing, coming here. It's alright now. We can make it be alright."

"No. I - I can't stay here." Bucky said. "I have to find them. They don't deserve - they - I can't let them…"

Steve took another step toward Bucky. "You can do whatever you like, Buck. How about you come upstairs with us and have something to eat, yeah?"

"Steve…"

"Yes." Steve couldn't help but smile as Bucky tested his name.

"I can't let them get away. With what they did."

"I know." Steve said.

"Is he talking about…" Tony began.

"Shh."

"Is that - do I know him?" Bucky asked.

"Howard Stark's kid." Steve said.

"Huh."

"Come on, Buck. Let's take the elevator. Jarvis, we'll put Bucky in the spare room on my level."

"Hey, who's house is this?" Tony asked.

"_Very good, Captain_." Jarvis said.

Upon hearing the disembodied voice, something inside Bucky seemed to flip. Within a second he was positioned to attack.

"Woah! Jarvis, where the hell did he pull that knife from?" Tony asked.

"Jarvis, don't respond!" Steve yelled. "Bucky, it's alright." Steve said, lowing his voice and took a step closer, hands raised. "It's just Jarvis. He's just a computer. It's ok, he scared me too. It's weird, I know, but you'll get used to it."

"What are you hiding from me?" Bucky asked aggressively, still posed to attack.

"Nothing." Steve said. "Honestly, Buck. I'm sorry, I didn't think." Steve forced a smile. "You can stand-down, soldier."

"I still want to know where he got the knife." Tony said.

"Shut up!" Bucky yelled pointing the knife at Tony.

It was then that Tony noticed that Bucky wasn't posed to attack at all; he was positioned to defend himself.

"Tony, go and wait in the elevator." Steve said, in his most 'I am totally done with you' voice.

"Ok, I'm backing up, Cap." Tony said, slowly walking backwards to the elevator. He heard the doors slide open and he stepped inside. The doors slid shut and Tony relaxed. "Whadda we know, Jarvis?" He asked, breathing deeply noticing that he'd been holding his breath whilst in the foyer, hoping to finally get some answers.

"_About Sergeant Barnes_?"

"Sergeant Barnes?"

"_I ran a background check on the gentleman, sir, and I believe that to be his correct name and title_."

"Yeah, well, whatever. Where'd he get that knife?"

"_It was in his trousers, sir._"

"Anything else in his trousers?"

"_I'm not sure I understand, sir._"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Has he got any more weapons, Jarvis?"

"_No, sir._"

"Didn't you tell me he was unarmed?"

"_No sir. I said he had a metal arm._"

"Huh. That's the one." Tony said. "What are they saying now?"

"_Captain Rogers just asked Sergeant Barnes if he-_"

"On the screen, Jarvis! No points for guessing who's getting a re-boot when I get back to the lab."

"_Very well, sir_." Jarvis replied, bringing up the live footage of the foyer on the screen in the elevator. Tony watched for some minutes while Steve talked Bucky into staying, as well as listing the names of all those staying in the Tower, their jobs, their brief backgrounds. That this place was safe. That Bucky was safe. That it would all be ok. Tony scoffed.

_"__You chose to come here, Buck. You can choose to leave whenever you like. You hear that, Jarvis? Don't respond, though. Bucky has the same clearance within the building as the rest of us."_

_"__Steve, what if you can't help me?"_

_"__I've never given up on a friend, Buck. Come on."_

Tony wondered if Steve knew he was watching, as the conversation seemed so personal. The elevator doors slid open and the screen went blank. Steve gave Tony a look which made Tony aware that Steve knew he'd been watching after all. Tony gave him a nod. Bucky stepped apprehensively into the elevator.

"Going up." Tony said as the doors slid shut.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve rolled over again. He'd a few hours of sleep, but had woken and now couldn't return to his slumbers. His mind was racing: he was still undecided as to whether or not it was a good idea to leave Bucky on his own, even at night. It had been almost three days since the Winter Solider had turned up completely out of the blue at Stark Towers. Tony had set Jarvis to monitoring Bucky's every move of course, but it wasn't the same. Bucky needed to be constantly reassured that he was with friends, and that he wasn't a danger to himself or anyone else. Alright, Steve had to admit, Bucky _was _a danger to himself and others, but really, weren't they all? As much as Steve hated to admit it, he believed he had a much better chance taking Bucky on should his old friend happen to flip out compared to Thor or the Hulk.

"_Captain Rogers?_" The disembodied voice of Jarvis drifted quietly over the intercom.

"What is it, Jarvis?" Steve asked. Something was wrong, Steve knew that much. He'd told Jarvis to alert him if Bucky did anything - strange. So far everything had been normal enough. Bucky had spent most of the time just lying on his bed. He'd been co-operative enough letting Tony have a look at his metal arm, but hadn't let Stark get too close. Bucky had eaten what he'd been served, showered, shaved, worn the clothes that Pepper had bought for him. He'd said few more than a dozen words since Steve had brought him up the Tower, but, Steve thought, what was there to say?

"_Sergeant Barnes is emptying the contents of his stomach quite violently into the lavatory, sir."_

"Darn it." Steve said, jumping up. He moved swiftly out of his room, across the hallway and into Bucky's. Bucky's bedroom door was unlocked, and when Steve entered, he could hear the sounds of Bucky being sick in the ensuite. Steve sighed sadly. He didn't say anything, he just entered the bathroom and stood beside his friend who was kneeling on the tiles. Steve gently pulled Bucky's hair back from off his face and held it out of the way whilst Bucky retched and was sick again. After a couple more minutes, Bucky spat and sat back.

"I'm done." he croaked.

Steve let go of Bucky's hair, flushed the toilet and slid down the wall to sit across from his friend. Seeing Bucky like that, his eyes full of pain, his face sweaty and pale, Steve just wanted to hold him, but that was hardly the done thing. Steve pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "We should get you cleaned up," He said.

Bucky gave a nod, but neither of them moved.

"It's the food," Steve said. "It's so rich, especially when you're not used to it. It's certainly not over-boiled spuds and cabbage."

"Yeah," Bucky said without emotion. Both of them knew that the food may in part be the reason Bucky was sick, but it was unlikely the prime culprit.

"You look tired," Steve said, for lack of anything better to say. Bucky didn't just look tired; he looked exhausted.

Bucky shrugged. "I'm not going back to sleep tonight."

Steve sighed, knowing full well as to why Bucky couldn't sleep. He wanted so much to help Bucky, but what was he supposed to do when the terrors were replying themselves in his friend's mind? There was no one to punch or shoot and Bucky couldn't be protect by Steve's shield.

"Were you awake too?" Bucky asked.

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

"Coming up ha'past four."

"Then why were you awake?" Bucky asked.

"Guess I couldn't sleep either."

"Bad dreams too?"

Steve took a deep breath and exhaled deeply. He hated to admit it, but it was true. Jarvis knew that he spent as many hours of the night lying awake in the darkness as he did actually sleeping, but as far as Steve was aware, Stark's AI was the only other one in on the secret. "Yeah," Steve confessed. "It gets better though," he lied.

"Not for me." Bucky said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Steve thought for a second that Bucky was going to say something else, but he remained silent.

"Come on," Steve said, standing up. "Let's get you cleaned up. Then we can go for a run."

Bucky shrugged, defeated, and made no effort to move.

"Come on," Steve said again, this time offering Bucky a hand. "Up you get." He smiled and took Bucky's right hand as his friend still made no effort to move of his own accord. This time, Bucky allowed Steve to pull him to his feet. Bucky lent against the wall as Steve ran the sink with warm water.

"I'm never going to understand." Bucky murmured.

"There's plenty we all don't understand." Steve said, once again unsure as to whether Bucky was join to elaborate or not, turning off the tap. He felt better just doing something, even if it was just running water. "Chin up, soldier. Scrub up," he smiled after Bucky gave no further response.

The corner of Bucky's mouth twitched slightly at Steve's mock-order. He took the few steps across to the sink and splashed his face with the water.

"I'll meet you at the elevator in five." Steve said. "I think we'll be needing long pants this morning. And a jumper. Morning's are starting to cool down again." He said before leaving Bucky along to freshen up. Steve walked slowly back to his own room. He pulled off the t-shirt he had been sleeping in, and rummaged around for sports t-shirt and hoodie. As he pulled on his socks, Steve could feel the need to run, and he was sure Bucky felt the same. Perhaps if they ran fast enough, they could leave all this mess behind.

In under five minutes, Steve was waiting at the elevator, and a few minutes later, just as Steve began to doubt, Bucky's door opened and his friend emerged.

"These pants are weird and why are my trainers bright blue?" Bucky grumbled, adjusting the pants as he walked. Pepper had fully kitted out Bucky's wardrobe - including Skins and a pair of fluorescent blue and orange Nikes.

Steve grinned. "Welcome to the 21st century, Buck."


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky pulled himself from the nightmare. _You're awake. It's safe here. You're awake._ But he didn't feel awake. It felt like a dream within a dream. He was terrified, and in his terror he threw off the blankets. They were too tight and too close and going to hold him down. Pin him to the table, shackle him, hit him, stick needles in his arm, wipe his mind.

Bucky gasped and grabbed the pillow for comfort. He wanted to go and find someone. He needed someone to tell him everything was going to be alright, but his fear left him paralysed and speechless. Other nights in the past week, or close enough to, that he'd been at Stark Tower's he'd called out in his sleep, screamed, yelled, loudly fought the sheets, the ghosts in the dark, and Steve would come running in to turn on the light and make the monsters go away, but tonight he could hear no footsteps; he hadn't made a noise, so no one knew he needed them. Steve had convinced Tony that Bucky wasn't a threat, so the surveillance from Jarvis had been toned down. Bucky lay in the darkness for a few more minutes before something within him forced him to sit up. He had to go to Steve. He had to see someone else. It didn't matter that this was his room, with clothes and shoes and sheets; right now it felt too much like a lonely, empty cell.

Bucky swung his legs out of the bed. His mind began to race. What if they were waiting for him? What if it was all just a trap, to build him up, give him hope, then rip it all away from him? It wouldn't be unlike them. He couldn't cope if that was true. He wouldn't. He knew how to use gun, and he knew where he'd aim it, just as soon as he'd taken out as many of them as possible.

_No. _This was Stark Towers, the logical part of his brain told him. Since arriving here, he'd only left the building a handful of times to go running with Steve. Even if they were watching him, they'd be mad to make a grab for him, with one hardly being able to turn a corner without bumping into an Avenger. Bucky had been filled in briefly on the Avenger's past, and had to accept that if anyone could protect him from Hydra, they could. _You're safe here_, he tried to reassure himself. _Steve is here. They can't get you. They don't even know you're here. Go and wake Steve. _

Bucky stood up and walked silently across his room to the door and opened it. The hallway was dim, with the only light coming from the night light of New York City streaming in through the full-length window at the end of the hall. Bucky dashed across the hallway to Steve's room, opened the door and went inside, closing the door quietly behind himself. Steve's room was much darker than the hallway, with the blackout curtains removing almost all light, other than a pale grey line, no more than half an inch, between the curtains and the floor.

_Steve,_ Bucky tried to say, but nothing came out. He reached out to try and touch his friend, to shake him awake, when in Bucky's mind Steve's feint outline sat up and morphed into one of the nameless handlers who had 'managed' Bucky over the years. Bucky stumbled back and crashed into something. The handler approached him, going to strike. The Asset tried to retreat and crashed into the wall. He couldn't run, they always caught him if he tried to run and they didn't care what they had to do to catch him.

_Bucky._

No, no, he was gone. They know when I think about him. The Asset couldn't think of him. He fumbled in the dark. No one would come. No one would save him.

_Bucky!_

Try not to fight. It's always worse when you fight. The Asset swung blindly in the dark, hitting something, hoping it wasn't one of them, knowing that they'd only hit him harder if he had got them.

_Bucky!_

One of them tried to grab him, but he pushed them away violently. The Asset sunk down against the wall to try to protect himself. He pulled his knees up to his chest and tried to protect his head from the incoming blows with his arms. Any moment now, they'd stick him with a needle, and it would all be over…

"Bucky!"

The light went on and Bucky's mind snapped back to reality.

"Bucky! Bucky, it's alright. It's me, it's Steve. It's alright."

Bucky forced himself to look up, and saw Steve standing in front of him, hands raised. "I can't breath." Bucky gasped.

"I know." Steve said, "I know, it's alright now. It's alright," Steve turned and slid down the wall to sit next to Bucky, who had put his head back down on his knees."I'm here now. It's alright." The Captain gave Bucky's shoulder a squeeze. "You're not gunna be sick again are you?"

Bucky shook his head as he fought to control his breathing. He closed his eyes tightening and slowly opened them again, trying to keep away the tears. "I'm sorry," he murmured after a few minutes, looking up. "I - I think I knocked over some of your things."

Steve laughed in relief. "Oh Buck, it really doesn't matter."

Bucky wiped his eyes. "I can't do it again."

"You won't have to. You're not alone any more, Buck. Everyone here wants to help you. Will help you." Steve said sincerely.

"You don't give up, do you?"

"Nope."

Bucky let out a sob. He leant against Steve, feeling relief wash through him. Perhaps, if he could keep his head in the real world, maybe it really would be ok. "Will you tell them what happened?"

"I - sort of have to."

"I know," Bucky sighed, resting his head against Steve's shoulder, "I just wish it didn't have to be like this."

"I know." Steve sighed.

"Did I do that to the wall?" Bucky asked, noticing a crack in the plaster.

"Yeah."

"Sorry."

"Doesn't matter."

"Just move the draws to hide it."

"Eh, Stark'll just get someone in to fix it."

"Yeah, I s'pose," Bucky said, "Can we go for a run?"

"It's only just after two."

"Oh," Bucky said, noticing an alarm clock on Steve's bedside table. He sighed. "I don't want to go back to sleep."

"D'ya wanna bunk in here?" Steve asked.

"You sure?"

"Course."

Bucky stood up and Steve followed suit. "D'you remember that night, I think we were in Saint-Somewhere in northern France I think, it was January and it must have been about 10 degrees at the most. And there was this snow storm,"

"And I was sandwiched between you and Jim, who snored like a diesel engine passing over a rickety bridge?" Steve smiled, climbing into bed.

"I was going to say how I was sandwiched between you and Dum Dum, who spend the whole night, ah,"

"Letting rip?"

Bucky smiled. "That's one why of putting it, yeah. Those rations were bad." He wasn't sure where the memory had come from, but now he could see that night as clearly as anything - just as clearly as he could recall being 'managed', but this memory was a thousand times sweeter. The bitter, icy wind, the fresh snow in the morning, the dwindling, bland rations, the Howling Commandos sleeping huddled together for warmth in an abandoned barn.

Steve laughed and lay down, pulling the blankets over himself. "How we ever got any sleep…"

Bucky sat down on the bed on the opposite side to Steve. "Are you sure about this?"

"Sure I'm sure," Steve said, "D'you wanna leave the light on?"

Bucky shrugged and pushed back the blankets on the other side of the bed, before laying down. "You got easy access to the switch incase I - wake-up again?"

"Sure do."

"Ok then," Bucky said, "Goodnight then."

"Night, Buck." Steve said, leaning over to switch off the light, "See you at 0530."


	4. Chapter 4

Steve had to smother a laugh when he saw Bucky's expression at the swimming trunks. Every other morning he and Bucky had gone for a run, but Steve had decided that this morning could be spent in the pool instead.

"You really expect me to wear these?" Bucky asked, holding up the trunks.

"Be thankful they're not Speedos." Steve grinned.

"They're very short."

"We have a pairs like that when we were kids."

"Yeah, 80 years ago in the Depression when we were about 12, and no one could afford material."

Steve grinned, and pulled his hoodie off over his head. "Go and change. You'll love the pool. Stark really thought some of these things through."

A few minutes later the two soldiers emerged from the changing room, Steve confident, Bucky, somewhat less so.

"These are really tight." Bucky said, fiddling with the waist-tie.

"Well you don't want them to fall off."

"I do like blood circulation below my waist," Bucky grumbled. "Oh," he stopped.

"Like I said," Steve smiled, giving his friend a pat on the back, "It's pretty ace."

The swimming pool in Stark Towers was on the 28th floor, with spectacular views across New York, even on a dull grey morning such as this. But what made the pool even more impressive was that one edge and one length ran along the window.

"Yeah," Bucky agreed, amazed.

"Well," Steve said, "What are you waiting for?" Holding his goggles, he broke into a run and leapt into the water, pulling his knees up to his chest mid-air and landing with an almightily splash. Seconds later Steve surfaced, and treading water, shook the water from his face. "The water is at a perfect 83 degrees."

Bucky looked the all too inviting water. "How deep is it?"

"At this end, 6"5, and 5"2 up the other."

"Alright." Bucky said. "You better move across."

Steve had just enough time to move out of the way before Bucky ran and jumped into the pool. The soldier surfaced and pushed his hair back from his face.

"See!" Steve smiled, putting on his googles, "I'll race you to the other end."

"Ah,"

"Buck?" Steve asked, suddenly concerned. Bucky, who only moments ago had been smiling, now looked to be in shock.

"I just, I…" Bucky swam quickly to the edge of the pool and pulled himself up onto the ledge.

"Y'ok?" Steve asked.

"I just…" Bucky was breathing heavily and gripped the side of the pool, his knuckles white from the strain. Steve could see in his friend's eyes that he had just relived something painful.

"Are you ok?" Steve asked again.

Bucky nodded unconvincingly, and flicked his hair back.

Steve paddled over and grabbed hold of the edge of the pool. "You wanna go get dressed?"

"I'm ok." Bucky mumbled, looking down so as to avoid Steve's eye.

"You mind if I do some laps?" Steve asked, never sure as to what he was supposed to do when then happened to Bucky.

"No," Bucky said.

"Ok. Well, you just, I dunno, stay there I suppose." Steve said.

"Yeah," Bucky replied.

Steve pushed off the wall back into the middle of the pool and began to swim. He didn't know what Bucky had seen, or why the water had brought it back. What Steve did know was that it only alarmed him half as much as the scaring on his friend's body. Steve had had to force himself to look Bucky in the eyes to avoid staring at his chest where the metal arm joined his body. It was just too hard to comprehend what had been done to Bucky. Whatever they'd done, it sure looked enough to give anyone nightmares for life. The Captain reached the end of the pool and turned around.

Steve had done a dozen laps or so when he noticed that Bucky had entered the water and had began to swim along beside him. Steve couldn't help but smile and increased his pace, eager to beat his friend, despite the metal arm undoubtedly giving Bucky the advantage in this situation. Steve counted another two dozen laps before he stopped and pulled himself up onto the edge of the pool. Bucky did the same.

"Ready for breakfast?" Steve asked. The sky outside was now growing lighter. It looked like it was going to be another wet, grey day in New York, but even in the damp morning light the city, still bright with night lights, looked magical.

"Yeah," Bucky replied without any enthusiasm.

They both climbed out of the pool and returned to the change room to shower in silence. It worried Steve, but he still didn't know how much to push Bucky in regards to getting him to talk.

"Sorry about that, earlier." Bucky called to Steve in the next cubicle while they showered.

"Don't worry about it!" Steve called back, even though he worried.

"I made you worry, though," Bucky said, "I could see it in your eyes."

Steve sighed, glad Bucky couldn't see him now. "Hey," Steve said, praying his voice wouldn't betray how bad he felt about everything he really felt, "It's not your fault."

"No," Bucky said, letting the water from the shower wash over him, wishing it could wash away what he'd done, "That one was my fault."

Steve washed the last of the shampoo from his hair and turned off his shower. "Do you wanna tell me why?" He asked, grabbing his towel. There was silence for a number of moments while Steve dried himself, then wrapped the towel around his waist. "You right, Buck?"

"Because I shot you," Bucky said finally.

Steve opened his cubicle door, "I don't blame you for that, you don't need to worry." He walked over to the bench and pulled on his t-shirt.

"I could have let you drown." Bucky said quietly, the sound of the water from his shower almost masking his words.

"Pardon?" Steve called, not sure he'd correctly heard what Bucky had said, pulling on his hoodie. He wasn't sure how far to push Bucky into talking. Especially about _this_.

"I could have let you drown." Bucky repeated.

"Well, lucky for me, you didn't." Steve said, pulling his jocks on underneath his towel, then letting the towel drop to the floor. Modesty didn't really matter as there was no one here to see, Steve just - liked to be modest.

"I thought about leaving you." Bucky said.

Steve was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He didn't know how to respond. He wasn't a shrink, and also, this time the situation directly involved him. "You nearly done in that shower, Buck?" Steve dried his feet and pulled on his pants. A moment later, Bucky's shower stopped.

"I didn't want you to die."

"I know," Steve said.

"Even though I had - wanted to kill you, I - I didn't. I don't."

"I know."

"You should have drowned."

"Yep."

Bucky opened the cubicle door and stood awkwardly with his towel around his waste, body still dripping wet. "I grabbed you."

"Thank-you," Steve said, grabbing another towel from the stand and slowly approaching Bucky. Steve felt so incredibly stupid. How could he not have known it was Bucky who had saved him? Bucky who had - admittedly, shot him multiple times and punched the crap out of him, but still - it had been Bucky who prevented him from drowning. Steve had just assumed - well, now he wasn't sure he had assumed anything. He didn't recall falling from the helicarrier and ending up in the river. He been told that that had happened, of course, but he'd just assumed it had been Sam or some good egg left in SHIELD who had fished him out. "Really," Steve said, tentatively handing Bucky the other towel, "Thank-you."

Bucky took the towel without a response. He walked past Steve to where his clothes were piled on the bench before quickly drying and dressing whilst Steve slowly put on his shoes and socks.

"You ready to go?" Steve asked, dumping his wet towel and swimming trunks in the dirty washing basket.

Bucky sat down on the bench and put his head in his hands. Steve went around and collected Bucky's wet things, placing them in the basket with his own, before sitting down beside his friend.

"Hey," Steve said, "You know that _you_ saved me, right?" He asked, giving Bucky a playful poke in the ribs. "You did that. You, knowing exactly what you were doing, saving me."

"I still hurt you."

"I'm confident that you certainly won't again."

"I don't know." Bucky voice cracked as he spoke.

"Well, you know what always makes me feel better?" Steve asked, "Bacon and eggs on toast. And maybe some baked beans. Followed by a generous bowl of corn flakes, washed down with steaming mug of joe. What do you reckon, Buck?"

Bucky turned his head and looked at Steve. The look in Bucky's eyes almost broke Steve's heart, but the Captain knew not to show it. If he showed any pain or guilt, Bucky would notice and add it to his own pile of hurt. The look told Steve what to do.

"Right, to breakfast, soldier!" He said, standing up. Bucky followed his lead reluctantly. "Natasha should be up, as will Clint if they spent the night together," Steve explained, heading toward the elevator, "Thor's always awake, but don't expect him to have left us any Pop-Tarts. Pop-Tarts are weird anyway. They're like dessert for breakfast, especially the ones with fairy-sprinkles. Jane might be up. Maybe Dr Banner. Definitely not Tony. Possibly Pepper." Steve stopped and pressed the button for the elevator.

"I couldn't watch you fall." Bucky said quietly, still half lost in his own dark memories.

Steve faced the elevator doors, unable to look at his friend. "I know. Believe me, that I know."

_Ding. _The doors opened and Steve and Bucky stepped inside.

"_Enjoy your swim, sirs?_" Jarvis asked.

"Very nice, thank-you Jarvis," Steve replied, wondering how much Jarvis had been watching them. The elevator doors closed and they went up for their morning meal.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Two little snippets this time. Thanks everyone for reading!**

* * *

"Seriously, you guys?" Sam puffed as he came to a stop. Steve and Bucky were leaning against the park wall, grinning, and, "You got food? How have you got food?" Sam huffed and puffed and tried to catch his breathe. He thought he'd done the run in quite good time.

"We were cold, hungry and tired of waiting. Steve had a tenner, so we went and got a bagel," Bucky replied, taking a huge bite of his bagel.

"We thought about getting you one too," Steve said, "But we didn't know how much longer you'd be."

"Oh, fuck you both," Sam grumbled, still trying to catch his breathe.

"Ten dollars doesn't even buy three bacon, egg and cheese bagels these days."

"I don't think bacon, egg and cheese bagels were even a thing when you guys were - you know, younger or whatever." Sam puffed.

Bucky stuffed the rest of his bagel in his mouth and licked his fingers which had golden egg yolk on them, "Yeah," he said, "But they're really good."

"I know they're real damn good! Oh hell," Sam grumbled, "Let's go home."

Steve grinned, "You sure you don't want the rest of mine?"

"No, no I do not want a third of bagel. You guys suck."

"I'll eat it."

"Sorry Buck, but I'm not giving this one up," Steve said, and stuffed the rest of his bagel into his mouth.

"Race you back to Stark Tower?" Bucky asked.

"No," Sam grumbled.

"Come on Sam, it's just a couple blocks."

"Let's just get walking before I freeze to death out here."

"Will you only freeze because you haven't had anything to eat?" Bucky teased.

"Seriously, I would kill you both if that was a viable option."

"I wonder what's on the breakfast menu back at the Towers?"

"We better run, else Thor eats it all," Bucky said, skipping ahead.

"Come on, Sam," Steve encouraged.

"No, seriously guys,"

"Come on, Steve!" Bucky called.

"Sam?"

"No way. You both," Sam sighed as Steve and Bucky sprinted like school boys across the near-empty road and along the deserted sidewalk. "If you don't hold the elevator for me, again, I will find a way to kill you!" He yelled, forcing his legs into a run to try to catch up with the super soldiers.

"I know you're there," Bucky grunted.

"I know," Natasha said, unsurprised, leaning against the doorframe, watching Bucky do chin-ups on the bar. She'd been standing at the door of the gym in Stark Towers for less than a minute, but it had taken her almost a week to gather the courage to come and speak with him alone.

"Whaddayawant?" He asked, not unkindly, but Natasha could tell that he would rather be left alone.

"I know what you're planning," she said, "I just thought - perhaps, you might like a partner."

"I'm good." Bucky said, pulling himself up again and again. Natasha had only seen two other people do chin-ups like that, one was a god and the other saturated with super soldier serum. _What did they do to you?_

"Yeah, I just thought that maybe, after all the years…"

"You do know what I want to do, right?" Bucky asked.

"You do know it's my speciality, right?"

"Huh," Bucky said. Apparently not, Natasha thought. "Why would you want to help me?" He asked.

Natasha shrugged, even though the gesture was useless as Bucky had his back to her. "I got a fresh start. My slate wiped clean." _Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, _a voice echoed in her head, but Natasha ignored it. "I reckon you deserve the same."

Bucky dropped down from the bar and stretched his arms, still facing away from her. "I work better alone," he said, though Natasha could hear in Bucky's voice that he didn't really believe what he was saying.

"Well," she said, "If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

"It's not really something I can ask Captain America to help with either, is it?" Bucky teased. Natasha noticed that his posture changed and she could just see that he was smiling.

"It's not really his field," Bucky turned around, looking more confident than she had seen him since his arrival. His hair had flopped over his face, but she could see how much healthier he was looking compared a week or so ago when he had shown up in the foyer. "I'm not ready yet," Bucky confessed.

"Whenever." Natasha shrugged.

"First I have to - just, you know. 'Get my shit together' I believe is the term I heard Stark use."

"I think he may have been talking about Clint," Natasha smiled.

"Huh," Bucky said, "Well the sentiment still applies."

"Well," Natasha shrugged, "If you want, when you're ready."

"Right," Bucky said, "Yeah. Maybe. I dunno." He walked over and lay down on one of the bench press benches. "I'll think about it," he said, gripping the bar and lifting it up above his head.

Natasha knew that their conversation was at an end. "Ok," she said and slipped out of the gym. Perhaps he'd accept her offer. It had been a long time since she'd had a partner for that sort of work. And she was more than willing to help Bucky take out the stray Hydra goons that had hurt him. In fact, it kind of excited her.


	6. Chapter 6

Tony and Pepper were out wining and dining some international perspective clients, Clint was on assignment in Prague, Sam was at staying interstate with family for the week for his cousin's wedding, Jane was guest lecturing up at Colobus University and had dragged Darcy and Ian along to 'assist', Bruce was at a science convention is Boston, Thor and Steve had been called out for a mission in downtown New York, thereby leaving only Natasha and Bucky at Stark Towers. Not that either of them minded, as both generally kept to themselves, Bucky in the gym and Nat in the armoury. It was later in the afternoon and Natasha had cleaned her weapons and had just finished eating an afternoon snack. She got up to put her plate in the dishwasher.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, seeing Bucky lurking in the corner. If she was anyone else, he would have given her a fright, "No sneaking up. We've said about that."

"Is Steve back yet?" Bucky asked. Natasha noticed the tension in his voice as she put her plate in the dishwasher.

"No, I don't know what time they'll be back. Everything alright?"

Bucky opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"Oh," Natasha said, "Ok," Why did he have to freak out now when Steve was away? "Do you want me to call him?" Steve would hate that, but it was better than letting Bucky suffer in whatever sort if internal hell he had rediscovered.

"I know…" Bucky choked.

"Know what?" Natasha asked apprehensively. She really like her chances if Bucky completely snapped and tried to attack her, but for some reason Natasha thought that was unlikely.

"I know who you are."

"Ok…"

"I don't - I remember I, it's just - I'm not sure…"

"Do you want…" Natasha wasn't sure where she was going, and she had no idea what Bucky might want. It was hardly a secret that most nights he ended up bunking with Steve, or visa versa, after Bucky woke from his nightmares, but what about when it came back during the day? What did Steve do then? Did this happen often? "Do you want a drink?" Natasha asked somewhat pathetically.

"I hurt you."

Oh, Natasha thought, that's what he remembers. But which time? Five years ago, or earlier this year in Washington?

"I shot you," Bucky was breathing heavily. He looked - defensive? No, he was scared, terrified. As though she would get mad and try to hurt him. And he wouldn't fight back.

"Yep," Natasha said trying to keep any sign of fear from showing, "But you were doing your job. And I was doing mine." She said slowly, having no idea if that was the right thing to be saying or not.

"I hurt you," Bucky looked as though he wanted to run. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, Natasha thought, too frightened to run. Was this what Steve put up with every night? What did he do?

"Well, I'm alright now," Natasha said.

"I can't - " Bucky choked.

"It's alright," Natasha said, even though it was all very much not alright, "Come on. Come and sit down. I'm ok. You can see that. I'm ok, and you're ok, and everything's alright. Ok?"

Bucky shook his head and tried to retreat further into the wall.

"Come on," Natasha said, holding out her hand, still with no idea as to whether she was doing this right, but knowing that she couldn't leave him like this. "Come and sit down."

Reluctantly, Bucky reached out and took Natasha's hand. She forced herself not to flinch when the cold metal of his hand touched hers. Instead, she wrapped her fingers around it and led him over to the couch. She sat down, and he sat beside her. Everything about his posture was wrong: he was sitting too straight; he looked as though he was bracing himself for something horrible to happen.

"Hey, you can relax, you know."

"I can't…" He gasped.

Natasha sighed and leant back into the couch. She had one idea, and he'd either go with it, or try and attack her. "Come here," she said as she slowly wrapped her arms around Bucky's shoulders and pulled him close. Natasha found herself running her fingers gently along his arms and kissing his head. "You're alright," Natasha repeated, despite the fact it was clearly a lie. Bucky's heart was racing, he was close to hyperventilating, his right hand was clammy, both fists were clenched tightly. Natasha has learnt long ago to control her breathing and heartbeat. To lie. "It's alright," she said as Bucky gasped for air. She'd certainly been in worse situations, and laid with men more dangerous than the broken Bucky Barnes. Natasha continued to hold him close. After what felt like an hour but was probably closer to ten minutes, he took her hands and wrapped them across his chest, holding them in place with his own arms. He lifted his legs up onto the couch and relaxed back into Natasha.

"Steve trusts you," he mumbled after a while.

"He trusts you too," Natasha replied. Bucky was calming down, and for that she was thankful.

"He needs a good team."

"He's got one."

"I know." Bucky said.

Natasha wasn't sure what to make of his tone. "He wants you to be part of it."

"Part of what?" Bucky asked, entwining his fingers with hers.

"The Avengers."

"What do I have to avenge?" He scoffed.

"The past 70 years," Natasha said, not sure where her words were coming from, "You can make it right."

"What would you know?" Bucky mumbled.

"I haven't always been one of the good guys," Natasha confessed.

Bucky just shook his head and held Natasha's arms. She didn't know what else to say. As they lay together on the couch, her mind began to wander. Was this the first time in 70 years he'd been held by a woman? Probably. Almost certainly. She watched as he traced her fingers with his own. The metal of his left arm was warmer now after prolonged contact with her own body. His breathing and heart rate were back to normal. Natasha reached up and pushed Bucky's hair back from his face, tucking it behind his ears. He looked back at her. She smiled and the corners of his mouth twitched, making Natasha smile broader, despite it breaking her heart because he looked like a child. He looked like a small, innocent boy - because really, that's what he was. He was still that kid from 1940's Brooklyn. Sure, he had fought in the War, but he'd been with friends - it had really all been one big adventure: there were no gap-years to Europe back then, so war was the only chance for travel for boys like Bucky and Steve. They lay entwined on the couch for over half an hour before Bucky spoke.

"Can I ask a favour?" he asked shyly. Natasha felt his heart rate increase again.

"Ask away."

"Will you dance with me?"

"Umm…" Natasha hadn't expected the favour to be _that_.

"You can say no," Bucky said quickly.

"No," Natasha said, "No, I mean yes. Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes. Come on. Let's."

"Ok," Bucky said, untangling himself from Natasha's hold, sitting up and swinging his legs off the couch. He stood up, placed his left arm behind his back and held out his right

hand. "Miss Romanov, can I please have this dance?"

Natasha grinned. "Mr Barnes, how could I refuse?" She said, taking his hand and standing up. Natasha wondered what was going through his mind. Bucky smiled. He actually smiled, and Natasha felt her heart skip a beat. He was very good looking when he smiled, she had to admit. "Jarvis, play us something to dance to."

"_Something Mr Barnes will recognise or something more modern, Agent Romanov?"_

"I don't care!" Natasha laughed, "Quickly, Jarvis."

"_Very good_," Jarvis replied.

The music started and Natasha automatically wished that she had chosen something or that Bucky wasn't paying any attention to the lyrics. "_Stolen Dance_." Seriously, Jarvis? Natasha made a mental note to have to have a word to Tony about this. Bucky's left hand secured itself around her waist, and her took her left hand in his right. Natasha couldn't help but notice how natural he looked, and how naturally the movement came to him. It helped her to relax into his grasp as they moved in time to the music, which, as it turned out, worked rather well.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Huge thanks to everyone for the reviews, follows and favourites :)

Dragon: Thank-you very much, I hadn't realised I'd posted the same thing twice! All fixed now.

* * *

_Bring bring. _

"Seriously, Cap?" Sam asked, "You ring tone is a 1940's phone?"

_Bring bring._

"Tony changed it and I don't know how to change it back," Steve said, patting his pockets, looking for the device. "I keep meaning to ask Nat, but I only ever seem to think about it when it rings," _Bring bring._

"Whatever," Sam teased, "I bet you love it, man."

"Whatever," Steve said, pulling the phone out of the correct pocket. "It's Natasha. Hi Nat."

"_Where abouts are you guys?"_

"Not far," Steve answered. They'd only been gone about 15 minutes, just a few blocks down to pick up some things for dinner. "What's up?"

"_I think you best get back here, ASAP, Cap._"

"Tasha? What's happened?" Steve hardly had to ask; Natasha sounded worried and Steve only needed one guess as to who her worry would be concerning.

"_He walked in on Tony and Pepper watching _Les Mis."

"How much did he see?"

"_I don't know, Tony's having Jarvis check the cameras, but that part of the building is pretty private_."

"Where is he now?" Steve asked.

"_In his room. He's barricaded the door. He's not done anything - that might be the problem, but, ah, well, I thought it best to call._"

"Yeah, of course, thanks Nat, we'll be there in about ten." Steve said, and hung up.

"Beeline to Stark Towers?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Steve said, pocketing his phone.

"Is he alright?"

"I dunno."

"Sorry, man."

"Yeah," Steve said. Bucky had been doing so well, too. Sure, he was still having nightmares, but he was having only one or two flashbacks during the day. And of all the movie musicals to walk in on…

In less than ten minutes, Steve and Sam arrived back at Stark Towers. Steve was hardly encouraged to see Natasha waiting for them in the entrance foyer.

"Nat."

"Steve, Sam."

"Hi Natasha."

"Is it that bad?" Steve asked.

"Jarvis found the footage. Bucky saw about 20 minutes."

"Which 20 minutes?"

Natasha sighed and pushed the button for the elevator. "From _Drink with Me_ to part way through _Empty Chairs_."

"So pretty much the worst 20 minutes possible?" Sam asked.

"The part where everyone's brutally murdered or commits suicide, yeah," Natasha said. The elevator _ding_ed and the doors opened. The three allies stepped inside.

"And Tony and Pepper didn't know he was there?"

"I'm sorry to say it, but he's a damn good ghost, Cap. He sort of - chocked, during _Empty Chairs_, so altering Tony and Pepper."

"Jarvis didn't know?" Steve asked.

"Private quarters, Steve. No surveillance under normal circumstances."

"So Tony doesn't have Jarvis monitoring Bucky's every movement?" Sam asked.

"He trusts him," Natasha said as the elevator slowed.

Steve wasn't sure what to make of that. The elevator came to a holt and the doors opened. "Thanks for calling," Steve said as he stepped out.

"No problem. Good luck."

"Yeah," Steve said, stepping out of the elevator into the hallway. Sam and Natasha would continue up to the rec rooms. Steve walked slowly down the hallway to Bucky's room. No light was coming from under the door. Steve wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. He knocked gently on the door. "Buck?" he asked, "Alright if I come in?" When there was no response, Steve put his shoulder to the door and forced it open. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dark, where he spotted Bucky curled up on the bed. "Y'alright, Buck?"

Bucky shivered. Steve sat down on the end of the bed. "That's a hard film to watch. Not so bad if you see the whole thing, but even still." Though he was loath to admit it, _Les Mis_ had left Steve in tears. After seeing the film, he'd gone with Clint and Natasha to see it on Broadway, which he found even more heartbreaking than the film. It had just been so raw.

"He just wanted to die," Bucky whispered into the pillow.

"Buck…"

"He just wanted to die with his friends and he didn't, and maybe it would have been better if he did," Bucky chocked.

"No, Bucky, no." Steve said. He watched as Bucky's body shook.

"He was prepared to die with them. To die for them, for their battle."

"I know," Steve said quietly.

"And he should have."

"Probably, yeah," Steve confessed.

"And he was so alone. And afraid. And hurt."

"I know." Steve said. What else was there to say? It was too easy to draw parallels between the story of Marius Pontmercy, the only one to survive the barricade despite his grievous injuries, and the fate of Steve and Bucky.

"They all died, Steve!" Bucky cried.

"I know."

"I would have died. I wanted to. I spent so many years wishing that the fall had just killed me…" Bucky confessed.

"I know," Steve felt helpless. He blinked back the hot tears forming in his eyes. What could he do? "Bucky, I'm so sorry," He stood up and moved around the bed and sat down beside Bucky. Steve slowly reached out and put his hand on Bucky's shoulder. "But we _both_ survived, Buck. You're not alone now."

"He wanted to die with them" Bucky whispered.

"I know," Steve said, gently squeezing Bucky's shoulder. They stayed as they were in silence for a few minutes until Bucky reached up and took Steve's hand.

"You brought me back," he whispered.

"Pardon?"

"When I saw you on the bridge and you said my name. You made me fight it again. You made me hope."

"Shove over," Steve said, having no real response to what Bucky was saying, pushing Bucky across and lying down beside him.

"I have to make this right," Bucky whispered.

"You will," Steve said, wrapping his arms around his broken friend.

"I don't - really know how."

"We'll find a way," Steve said, his voice sounding more confident than he really felt.

"You never give up, do you?"

"I don't know how to, Buck. Never have."

"Never do."


	8. Chapter 8

"So you too find sleep to be troublesome?"

"Umm…" Bucky had not yet been to sleep, despite it coming up three in the morning, and he had been up since 5:30am to go running with Steve, so Bucky _was_ tired, he just hadn't wanted to go to sleep, knowing the nightmares which sleep always brought for him. The microwave pinged and Bucky opened it, taking out his hot chocolate. He had found instant hot chocolate very much to his liking, and hoped it would help him brace himself for his oncoming slumbers. Or at least not allow him to sleep for very long, hopefully waking before the dreams got too real, for need of the toilet. "Yeah," he said to Thor, "You too, huh?"

Thor opened the fridge and took out the orange juice, then sat down and sculled half the container. "I find my dreams full of naught but Loki."

"Ok," Bucky said, sipping his hot chocolate. He'd been filled in on some of the history of the Avengers, and knew that Thor's adoptive brother Loki had been little but trouble; that was until the trickster-God had sacrificed himself to save his brother from some other, even worse bad guys.

"I know that he is gone, and yet I feel that he is trying to reach to me. I hope only that he finds himself naught in Hel, nor elsewhere as torturous," Thor said before sculling another great mouthful of juice.

"Right…" said Bucky, beginning to feel uncomfortable, wanting Thor to stop talking about death and torture and hell, but not wishing to be rude. He also couldn't help but wonder if all gods slept shirt-less,or just ones as extremely well-cut as Thor.

"He _is_ gone," Thor said, taking Bucky's awkward politeness as an indication to continue, "I held him as he breathed his last. I watched as he faded away in my arms…"

"I'm not sure I'm the best person to be talking to about this…" Usually Bucky was content in the company of the Asgardian; Thor was a good gym partner, mostly because he didn't say much, being more of the act now, think about it never persuasion. But right now, everything about this situation was making Bucky squeamish.

"And yet the dreams are so very vivid, as though still Loki lives. As though he is trying to reach me. But I _watched_ him _die_."

"Definitely not the right person," Bucky said now feeling very uncomfortable, standing up. He gulped down the last of his hot chocolate, despite it burning his mouth a little, he knew that if he didn't remove himself from Thor's melancholy tales of his dead brother, Bucky would likely find himself flashing back to memories less desirable. "Goodnight," Bucky said to Thor as he placed his mug in the sink and quickly left the troubled god to drown out his dreams with orange juice. Bucky felt a little rude, but decided not to let it bother him. He was just about to press the button for the elevator when it opened and he saw Natasha standing inside, her hair out, no make-up, dressed in pyjamas. Bucky couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, hey Bucky."

"You're back," Bucky said. Natasha had spent the last three days in Taiwan doing something that Bucky knew better than to ask about.

"Got back a few hours ago. I showered and tried to get to sleep, but I'm too jet-lagged. Are you alright?" She asked.

"I - ah," Bucky stumbled. Was he alright?

"You look kinda pale."

"I can't get to sleep," he admitted and relaxed his hands which he noticed he'd clenched tightly into fists.

"So you're haunting the place?" Natasha teased, thankful to notice that Bucky got the joke.

He shrugged, "I came to get a hot chocolate, but Thor's in the kitchen moping about his bad dreams about his dead brother."

"Oh," Natasha said, "Well, that's about enough to put anyone to sleep."

"It's as though he's trying to convince himself that Loki is actually dead."

"Thor said he saw him die."

"That's what I thought," Bucky said, "But he's going on as though…"

"Loki's alive?"

"I dunno," Bucky said, shaking his head, "Asgardians and stuff, it's all a bit weird. Does Thor know he sounds like something out of Shakespeare?" He asked.

"I really don't know," Natasha said, and gave Bucky a small smile, "Loki was a bit more - natural in his speech, I suppose, if you ignore all of the rule-the-world rhetoric. But you're right, it's all pretty damn mad."

"Huh," Bucky said, "Oh, did you want something to eat?" he asked, assuming that was the reason Natasha had come up to this level.

"If I'm going to have to listen to Thor go on about Loki, then I'm afraid I'm not that hungry. Not that I don't care about the guy, I just don't at three in the morning."

"Thor or Loki?"

"Thor."

"Right," Bucky said, "How bad was Loki?" he asked. Everyone seemed to have a slightly different opinion on the guy, from simply misunderstood (Thor), through to being the spawn of Satan (Tony - though Thor objected to this, on the ground that Satan was not a real being and Loki was of the Jutenheim, not of hell, which Thor seemed to think was an actual real place).

"Honestly?" Natasha said, "He was a jerk. But how bad he _really_ is or was, I dunno. I wouldn't trust the guy, but Thor does, or did, so…"

"Some people think we should trust me."

"Hey, you didn't know what you were doing. Loki did," Natasha said.

"Even when he sacrificed himself?" Bucky asked.

"Buck…" Natasha said.

"We should get to bed," Bucky said.

"Yeah," said Natasha, and they both stood awkwardly in the hallway for a moment. "You going in with Steve?" Natasha asked finally, gesturing for Bucky to hop in the elevator.

He shrugged. "I dunno. Possibly."

The doors closed and the elevator began to descend. A few seconds later it stopped and the doors opened on Natasha's bedroom floor. "Do you want to come and - sit down?" she asked.

"I should probably…" Bucky trailed off. He didn't know what he should probably do. Did Natasha want him to sleep with her? Was that what she was asking?

"We can just share the bed," Natasha said, seemingly reading him mind, "If you want. We don't have to, you know, sleep together."

"Ok, yeah, no, ok."

"Unless you want to?" Natasha asked, confused at Bucky's response.

"What, no. Maybe. Not yet. No. What was the question?"

Natasha laughed, "See you in the morning?"

"Great," Bucky said, feeling strangely relived, "See you in the morning."

"Yep," Natasha smiled, "Goodnight." She reached up and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"Goodnight," Bucky breathed as the elevator doors closed and Natasha disappeared down the hallway. Thoughts of Asgardians were quickly forgotten by Bucky as the elevator took him down a couple more floors, and a peculiar lightness filled him. Although Bucky would never admit it, he may have done a little skip down the hallway back to his room.


	9. Chapter 9

"Never again!" Jane exclaimed, throwing her handbag down on the table. She pulled off her coat and scarf and threw then down beside her bag. "I don't care if Pepper does give me the PIN number to the Amex Black - never again!"

"Come now, Jane, surely it was not so very bad?" Thor asked, opening a packet of chips and pouring them into a bowl and offering the snack to Jane.

"After that, I do not want children. It completely puts me off having children," she grumbled, taking a handful of chips.

"Now, now, let us not rush into things," Thor said soothingly.

"Ah, you're back, Jane. How'd it go?" Tony asked, entering and heading over to the fridge.

"It was horrible! Uh! It was the worst. Seriously. Oh my god. It was just - the worst."

Tony took the milk out of the fridge and flicked the switch for the jug. "Can't be that bad," Tony said, giving Thor a wink when Jane wasn't looking. Thor bit his lip to stop himself from smirking.

"I mean, it really only could have been worse if I had taken Loki too!" Jane exclaimed, "Sorry, Thor."

"That is fine," the Asgardian said, brushing chip crumbs from his mouth, "My brother always caused stress for our mother whenever she tried to get him new garments fitted. If it wasn't black or green, he wasn't interested."

"So what did your mother do?" Tony asked, searching for his favourite mug.

"You saw my brother. She gave in of course. Loki harboured particularly strong views on what garments he would wear, and that was that."

"Thor, that story really isn't helpful," Jane said, munching on some chips.

"I did not mean for it to be."

"Ugh," Jane sighed, exasperated, and sat down at the table.

"How many sugars?" Tony asked, having found his mug at the back of the shelf, where Barton had taken to putting it in order to force Tony to stand on tip-toes to reach, and grabbed one for Jane as well.

"Three!" Jane exclaimed. Tony pulled a face at Thor, who nodded back conspiratorially, trying to compress a grin.

"Did you manage to buy what you set out for?" Thor asked, as Tony handed Jane the cup of tea before sitting down opposite her.

"Yes, but my goodness…"

"Surely Darcy was a help?" Thor asked, taking another handful of chips.

"No! No, definitely not!" Jane exclaimed. The boys looked at one another and silently agreed to let her rant. "Ok, I feel as though I have just spent the last almost four hours out shopping in New York City, on the weekend before Thanksgiving, with two giggling teenagers, albeit one with some pretty serious PTSD, personal-identity and body-image issues, who just want candy and to look at sneakers and giggle at ladies underwear and check their watches every ten seconds to make sure that we get home in time for the game, and a five-year-old with a four second attention span!"

"So you killed them all?" Tony asked calmly, sipping his tea.

Jane made an exasperated sigh. "They're all in with Natasha, Clint and Sam and the food watching the game. Seriously though, Tony, next time just get your tailor to come in. Experiencing rush-hour shopping the Sunday before Thanksgiving is not something those guys need to 'experience' in order to understand 21st century life."

"Jane, truly they have run you up the wall," Thor laughed.

"It's not funny!" Jane exclaimed, "It's very stressful. Even with an Amex Black," she said a little sheepishly.

"So you bought Cap and Bucky candy on my Amex?" Tony asked.

"And Darcy," Jane added, "She wanted what the boys were having. We went to M&M World."

"But you got the suits?" Tony said.

"TOUCHDOWN!"

"Already?" Tony asked no one in particular, looking at his watch, "Uh, yeah, nearly fifteen minutes in…"

"Yes. We got the suits," Jane said, ignoring Tony's last comment and the cry coming from down the hallway. "And shirts, and ties, and spare shirts and two alternate ties. And socks and shoes and cologne, and cufflinks,"

"That's excellent," Tony said.

"And a pair of new runners for each of the boys," Jane continued, "And purple Converse for Darcy, and really horrible Christmas sweaters. For all three."

"On my Amex?"

"It's very kind of you, Jane," Thor said, giving Tony a kick, "Few would have the patience."

"Ugh," Jane moaned, "Sometimes I just want to be able to study astro-physical anomalies without all the weirdness!" She stood up, grabbed her cup of tea and marched out of the kitchen.

Tony chuckled, "You owe her, man."

"Did she truly not know what she was getting herself into?" Thor asked, "Not even my mother, who was nothing if not patient, would tackle those crowds with that group of people."

"Ah, don't worry about it," Tony said, "Pep gets mad at me all the time for similar things. Soon it'll just be another funny story. Now let's go watch some fit men run into one another."

Thor smiled, standing up. "She really should have known."

"Of course," Tony said, "Even Natasha bailed out of that task."

"FALSE START!"

"I do not understand that Migardian sport, no matter how many games of it I watch," Thor said, picking up his bowl of chips and following Tony down the hallway.

"OH, COME ON!"

"Just drink beer, eat pizza, yell when the rest of them yell, and you'll be fine, big fella," Tony smiled, patting Thor on the back, "But don't expect your chips to last."


	10. Chapter 10

The limo pulled up outside the building. Lights glowed, cameras flashed, media personnel called out the names of celebrities, and all this despite the clouds above threatening snow and the wind making the evening feel about 20 degrees, if that.

"You have got to be kidding me," Bucky said, trying to take it all in, as the car came to a stop at the top of the red carpet. He had been unsure about this party from the offset, and now felt as nervous as ever. This was the first time he was out in public in this sort of - situation. Almost a thousand guests, a 24-piece band, a six-course dinner - surely it was a recipe for disaster.

"The Stark's celebrate Thanksgiving a little differently," Natasha said, popping up the collar of her coat.

"We had Thanksgiving dinner the other night," Bucky said, thinking he would have preferred to stay at Stark Towers and watch the game with a pizza and his housemates, such as they were.

Natasha shrugged. "Just enjoy it."

"It's ok, Buck. It is every bit as mental as it looks," Steve smiled. These gala events hosts by Tony Stark and Pepper Potts had been completely foreign to Steve at one stage, but his was beginning to understand them.

A porter opened the door to the car and Natasha slide out gracefully, followed by Steve and an extremely apprehensive Bucky.

"I didn't realise it was quite this mad," Bucky murmured through a forced grin.

"Everyone who's anyone is invited," Natasha smiled, as they squeezed past the head of some company who was enjoying the free publicity and more than enjoying hearing himself speak.

"And everyone accepts," Steve said.

"What if I…"

"You won't, Buck," Steve said, patting his friend on the back and giving a wave to the cameras.

"Even if you do, Steve and I are here," Natasha smiled and led the way up the stairs into the foyer, away from the noise and flashing lights of the paparazzi in the street. They removed their outer garments, handing them in at the cloak room.

"Oh no," Bucky muttered, seeing what was ahead.

"Oh," Steve said.

"Shit," said Natasha, "Seriously, Tony? God, I could kill that man sometimes."

The three Avengers stopped and looked at the guards standing beside the metal detectors, checking guests as they walked through.

"There's less security at JFK."

"That's it. Let's just go home."

"Steve! Natasha! Bucky!" Pepper appeared positively glowing, completely in her element, wearing a very glamorous, full-length floaty navy blue dress. Pepper walked past the guards and the barriers toward the Avengers. "This way," she smiled. The three followed her straight through the metal detector, setting it off. The guard went to stop them, but Pepper stopped him first. "They're with me," she said briskly and continued walking. Steve, Bucky and Natasha almost found themselves breaking into a run to keep up with her. "It's impossible to find decent staff these days."

"Miss Potts, just checking you are aware I have a metal arm?"

"Sorry, Bucky, I should have let you guys know. With everyone who's attending, it's hard not to have these events so secure." They followed Pepper into the ballroom. "Your table is at the front on the left. The space crew are already here."

Steve was about the thank Pepper, but she quickly disappeared into the crowd to meet other guests, the rich and famous and those that she didn't share a building with.

"Hey, I can see Thor over there," Natasha said, pointing to where Thor, Jane, Ian and Darcy were sitting, leading the way around the tables and small groups of people.

"Hey Steve," Bucky said quietly, trying to force himself not to stare at Natasha as she weaved around the tables to where they could see Thor sitting, "Did you notice that Natasha set off the metal detector too?"

"How many weapons do you think she has on her?" Steve asked, eyeing Natasha. He had to admit that she looked stunning in a sleek black full-length dress, her red hair piled on top of her head, with a few loose curls falling across her face and the back of her neck. Steve also noted how Bucky could hardly keep his eyes from her.

"At least six," Bucky replied, feeling himself relax as they approached the table, "Well, four actual weapons, and another two things that she could use. I've seen her in the training room, Steve. She's deadly. Brilliant, but deadly," he smiled, thinking that perhaps the evening may be alright after all.

* * *

"This sucks," Clint muttered, sliding into the chair next to Steve. "I mean, it's one thing if Natasha decides to dance with him, but Maria Hill too?" Agent Barton reached across and grabbed a bottle of champagne and emptied it his glass.

Steve smiled, "Jealous?" The evening had been huge success. The food had been good, the band was great, Bucky had been seated next to Natasha and all were happy. Apart from Clint Barton.

"He's like 90! And he has a metal arm! It's so unfair."

Steve watched as Bucky effortlessly twirled Natasha and Maria at the together, perfectly in time with the music. "He is good."

"Good?" Clint grumbled, "It's totally unfair. Man, he even looks attractive. His suit fits better than mine, his hair looks good combed like that, oh no, surely not Pepper too. Oh good, she's - oh no, She's coming over here."

Pepper approached their table and sat down on Steve's right. "You two should be up dancing."

"Bucky stole all the partners," Clint grumbled, sipping the champagne.

Pepper smiled. "He's a good dancer."

"I don't think the Soviet's taught him that," Clint said.

"No," Steve smiled, "That's 100% Mrs Bryant and classes in the St Luke's Parish Hall. Getting partnered with Margaret Bailey or Roberta Thomas or Eleanor Parr."

"You can remember the names of the girls you went to school with like 100 years ago?" Clint asked, and downed the last of his drink.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Oh man," Clint moaned, "I can't even remember's Thor's girlfriend's intern's intern's name."

"Ian?"

"That's not it."

"Yes it is." Pepper said.

"Is it?"

"It's right here on his name card."

"Oh. Huh. Oh man. Now look at Bucky. That's so unfair."

Steve looked out across the floor to where Bucky was clearly having a brilliant time with his dance partners. Bucky caught Steve's eyes and gave a nod and a grin. Steve grinned and nodded back. Bucky may still end up in Steve's room most nights, or visa versa, but at least the flash backs during weren't as severe, and Bucky had found ways to cope with certain triggers. They still and a long way to go, but tonight - tonight Bucky Barnes was on the dance floor with one girl on each arm. Tonight, the world seemed a little more back in order. "No," Steve said, signalling to a waiter to get another drink for himself and Clint, "Everything is exactly as it should be."

* * *

**A/N:** And that's all for this story, folks! Thanks so much for reading. Please favourite or comment if you enjoyed it.


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